Future Full of Tomorrows
by The Jedi Wizard Hobbit
Summary: ...She wanted her brother to see tomorrow.: Set after Objects In Space. River watches Simon and Kaylee, and she ponders the problem of the future and what it means for her brother. SimonKaylee. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I don't own, no one sues, everyone's happy.

Author's Note: This takes place after Objects In Space. I just wanted to write something that would make me feel happy after seeing Serenity… It's from River's POV and it's a oneshot. The little : markings around certain phrases are River's more specific thoughts filtering into the narrative (as well as the italics, of course). It only looks that way because does not understand how to let documents be published without messing with them. So I'm sorry about that. This is my first fic in this fandom, so I hope everyone likes it :)

**Future Full of Tomorrows**

The screaming has subsided. No more bees in the hive. They never stop telling her that she has to make honey, but she can't. They tell her she has to sustain the life of the species and make sure that they thrive. She doesn't know how and they won't leave her alone…

But they've stopped for now.

First thing was first, once back on the ship. Check on Simon. She wasn't lying when she told the Captain that he required much looking after. Not like Shepard's and their flocks, no. He didn't stray, that wasn't the quandary.

He was the bloodhound who needed looking after. Sweet puppy who tracked the fox, but kept getting scratched on the nose when he tried to do good. So the fox had to turn around and make sure that he didn't stumble now that he'd caught his leg in a twisted root and kept limping across the field after her. Silly puppy.

He'd been selfish.

She wanted to tell him that, but it was wrong now. She'd have to wait to tell him. But she had been ready to go. He should have let her go, he should have let her jump. She was ready to be swept up in the cyclone again, no one would talk to her or hear her nightmares, he would uncork dreams that he'd kept in syringes and books and strawberries and other clever places _but then blood was leaking inside the skin and there were holes in him and he was using wit and derision, **bad** habits he'd learned from the **bad **captain – _

And then Jubal was swept from their skin, a fly by a cow's tail. Smudges from her colored pencils when she ran her thumb over the paper, always leaving streaks but never destroying the beauty of the picture, the colors…

She had to go back. They had calmed the twister for her again.

But he shouldn't have been so selfish.

Like when they would play in the garden – she was a princess and he was her pet dragon and the evil magician and the court jester, sometimes even the valiant prince – and he would always tell her when it was time to go inside. Because he was tired and had school tomorrow and father was looking at him "that way" that always made him guilty and nervous.

Selfish.

He was selfish with her friend.

But her friend, the girl was sweet and she would wait longer than either of them suspected. Because the silly puppy was so endearing and easy to come back to. Big/hurt/blue eyes that were not hers. :_Where did they come from: _Family she could not remember.

After they had their talk, her friend had come in. Simon was feeling better about his sister now, told her nothing was her fault and that she should not go with strangers :'_don't ever go with a monster like that, mei-mei. No matter where you go, I take care of you, right? So you'll just have to take me with you next time you get the urge to turn yourself in': _and then Kaylee had come in. Tried to excuse herself, afraid to intrude upon their family, but River wanted intrusions, intrusions by the right people. She grabbed her hand and pulled her back inside, shoving her to the silly puppy and smiling in a way that made them both show signs of discomfort.

So she left them alone.

_No, not alone._

She went outside and peeked in through a window where they wouldn't see her. She wanted to see their rituals, understand why they were always so close and yet seemed so far away that they had to shout to hear each other.

Kaylee apologized, water making her eyes sparkle like dew on lilies. River's favorite flower. She told Simon that she had told Jubal :_such a silly name: _where River was, and he had said terrible things, and she just hated herself for being so weak and useless when everyone else was not, even Simon had helped and been brave, and River hadn't been scared at all, but she was just worthless –

Her brother had quieted the girl, grabbing her hand, an unforeseen gesture that tilted River's head and made her feel like singing.

He told Kaylee that it didn't matter because his baby sister had seen the man coming a mile away :_not true, only a tenth of that distance:_ she had already been gone when the man had come. It was not her fault.

Kaylee asked Simon why he had gone with the man. When she heard that Simon had been hurt, she wondered why Jubal had chosen him, had he wanted him to help him track River –

And her brother cut her off, telling her that Jubal had told Simon to come with him to see if he'd slip… also that he'd… that he'd… :_why does he blush and look away now: _that he'd said he would hurt her, tied up in the engine room, hated to think of her there alone and scared, because he knew he would have been scared if it had been him :_always talks too much when he shouldn't, then doesn't talk when he should: _and he didn't want him to do anything, would never forgive himself if…

Kaylee puts two fingers to his lips, and River feels bird wings fluttering all around. Feathers making everything soft, making everyone tickle –

Simon realizes that he has said too much :_without saying what he meant to say:_ and laughs at himself. He looks up at her and asks what worries him most, now that he knows River is safe.

But he didn't… he asks, unable to finish for fear that it is possible.

Kaylee shakes her head, though she is frowning, making River's head hurt with the weight of it. No, she tells him, he didn't do her no harm, she just waited on the floor until River told her what to do, told her not be afraid, and thank god for River otherwise they never would have been able to stop him, and why had she ever been afraid of River, River is her friend –

But River didn't need to be reminded of their bond of apples and games and hair and laughter, and neither did Simon because he squeezes her hand and scoots over to one side of the chair. The infirmary chair doesn't really have sides, and his leg and head protest at the treatment, but he tells her to sit with him.

Kaylee looks quizzically at him and reminds him that there is no room, but Simon insists that he's made room.

River wants to run around the infirmary doing cartwheels, she wants to let Kaylee see the ray of sunlight in her head so they can catch it together and bring it to Simon, so they can all feel warm in it.

Maybe Kaylee hears her plea, because she scoots onto the infirmary table next to the good doctor, lying on her side so they still fit. She will slip so she pulls her legs up and throws them across his waist :_she's making the shape of an L:_ careful to make sure that she doesn't brush against the hole in his leg.

They both laugh awkwardly as she places a head on his shoulder. But they don't move. She tells him that this won't be comfortable for long. He tells her he knows, but he doesn't say more. He knows that if he says more, something he will say will be unintentionally hurtful and she will leave.

River hates when her brother says stupid things, which is often. It didn't used to be so bad, but that was because he used to be in a place where he knew the rules. But River knew. She knew what rules did.

_Two by two…_

No, she would not let them in now. They had to leave her alone while she tried to comprehend.

Because her brother wanted the girl, but he kept her away. And it wasn't just because of her, it couldn't be.

It was because of what he thought about every day.

The future.

_I would be there, but I'm not. Where will I be later?_

If Simon had gotten a girl at home :_old home, not home anymore: _she would have been someone he would think of marrying. At least a chance. Their parents would have to adore her. No frivolous relationships among beautiful lawns and trained pets and trained professionals.

With this girl, he did not know what to do. He could not see the future because he did not know if she did. And if she did not, what was the point?

_Can't be attached by a broken leash._

He knew of privilege and convenience and what was best. He would have loved his wife, but maybe he would not have known her. River would not have liked her if that were true. _:You can't be family if you can't play…:_

Kaylee could play. And that was why Simon was scared.

River would see him look at Wash and Zoë. He just didn't understand. He wanted to, he loved the little looks and the comforting touches and how well they seemed to fit. But he didn't understand it. He did not understand how two people could just find each other. How they could look through vastness and nothing, and see the shining light of :_you and me and us and together:_

He had not been conditioned to be romantic. No one ever thought he would have to be. He would just have to be bumbling and sweet and remember the anniversary _(hopefully)_ when he wasn't working the twenty-hour shift. He would have to know that this was his life forever.

And with Kaylee he just didn't see where forever would lie.

_Are we already dead?_

Everyone needed it. The future.

The Captain needed it. River saw it every time he looked at the graceful one.

She walked and his eyes followed her to the morning. It was this change in the Captain that Simon needed to see and know. Because the Captain was a man who lived :_today and today and the next today_:

But with her, he saw :_tomorrow_:

And now, she was leaving.

The Captain would have no more tomorrows.

And River started to cry, her tears splashing on the deck :_crystals in granite: _and she wanted her brother to see tomorrow. She saw it, and she wanted him to bask in it with her.

_Give your heart to her, she is gentle, she won't drop it._

_No chance of breaking if it isn't given away, but no chance of traveling anywhere either. Can't get out of today. Can't find where it belongs._

But she can see her brother sigh into Kaylee's hair, and this makes her smile. And when she smiles, his eyes happen to drift over to the little window where she is spying :_not spying. Encouraging.:_

He sees her smile and knows in that moment, that he is looking back at his little sister. That she is her, and she is happy with what she sees. And so he feels no worry or guilt at motioning at her with his free hand to 'get out of here'.

As brothers and sisters will do.

They smile at each other in this moment and she nods that she comprehends. Would be horrible if he kissed and she told. Didn't know if that was where it was going, but she shouldn't be there to find out.

She would find out anyway, of course.

She ducks away and goes back to her room, pulling out her colored pencils and some paper.

Then she traces her way through the 'verse and hopes for happiness and clear sky.

* * *

How was that? If you enjoyed, please review! You know how us fanfic authors get our sustenance from typed words on screens… :gets that glazed-over look and starts babbling in River-speak: 


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